wait a minute ...

What happens when you want to do something that's right but you are stopped in your tracks by a man who thinks that he knows better ? I am relating an incident that recently happened to a close friend. She's in her 40's and in a downright horrible predicament. Her husband's (I shall call him "H")business went downhill a few years back and since then he's never been able to look for a job due to the specific industry that he was in. My friend whom I shall refer to as "J" has been the sole breadwinner. She is involved in a home business. While the business is doing well, it doesn't generate enough income to sustain the family's monthly expenses. She has 2 sons in their 20's who was somewhat forced to stop schooling when the money ran out. They great kids. A few weeks back, my mum's friend who owns a cafe asked if my mum knew of anyone keen on taking up a stall at her cafe and the first person mum though of was J. The start-up capital was small and manageable and J was an excellent cook. After some serious thought, J committed to the small business and decided that her stall would sell something that she was excellent at cooking - nasi lemak (coconut rice with side dishes and condiments). The deposit was paid and the necessities were purchased. A night before J was due to open her stall, H started sulking and refused to speak to J. All this while, J knew that H would find it hard to accept that his wife, a lady of leisure, would have to resort to working a stall to support the family. At 5am, J called to tell me what had happened and poured her heart out to me. I felt for her but what could I do. J was very worried that if she "forced" her way through and went ahead with the stall's opening that morning, H would retaliate and do something stupid. So she finally gave in and called mum's friend with a lame excuse of why she could not open that morning.

What would you have done ? Consider this....
1) The family is in a financial crisis and only J is able to contribute to the household income for now;
2) H is acting in a "I am man" manner and claims that he knows what he's doing by stopping J;
3) H claims to be concerned for J's health but is he ?
4) H claims that he is ok as long as J continues to work from home but not at a cafe;
5) H says that if J works at a cafe and she collapses, nobody will help her;

Do you think that H knows that the worst is yet to come ?

Do you think he knows that he's ruining the entire family's future by being too stubborn and carrying too much pride ?

I've told H that in order to look towards the future he needs to leave the past where it belongs....but would I be better off talking to the wall ?