death of a school mate

Last night, I learnt that a school mate had passed away at a rather young age. I did not know her well; only in passing but when I saw her photo, I instantly recognized her. In one of the reply emails by another school mate, I saw this lovely poem that I'd like to share......

I'm Still Here

Friend, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see
I'm right by your side each night and day
And within your heart I long to stay

My body is gone but I am always near
I'm everything you feel, see or hear
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
As long as you keep me alive in your heart

I'll never wander out of your sight
I'm the brightest star on a summer night
I'll never be beyond your reach
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach

I'm the colourful leaves when Autumn's around
And the pure white snow that blankets the ground
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond
The clear cool water in a quiet pond

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the Spring
The first warm raindrop that April will bring
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine
And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine

When you start thinking there's no one to love you
You can talk to me through the Lord above you
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees
And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze

I'm the hot salty tears when you weep
And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face
Just look for me, friend, I'm every place

Don't you think that this is just lovely and soothing for the soul ?

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forgive and forget ? NO

A grandmother is supposed to be a gem; but surely not mine. For 9 difficult years, I lost myself and never once contacted my paternal family. I have no regrets as I they do not deserve any compassion for what they have done and said to me. Forgiveness is not something I want to give her or her son and I am well and I have moved on. Life is beautiful and wonderful. And why do I bring this up now ? Well...as I was driving to a shopping mall last weekend, my phone rang. The number on the screen was unfamiliar but I have a habit of answering all calls. I accepted the call and was shocked to hear the voice at the end end. It was the long lost and gladly forgotten grandmother. After 9 long years she calls and tells me she misses me ? What the heck...what about years 1 to 8 ? Didn't she miss me then ! I cut the conversation short and told her I was driving. And then she wanted to know about my mum and why she couldn't locate my mum. Aiya....I was beginning to feel irritated and it could be heard in my voice. My mum warned me later never to ever tell on her. My mum....... Many of you will be thinking what a heartless person I am for treating a 90 year old woman like that. Maybe I am and maybe I'm not. My father was busy womanizing as my mum was in her last month of pregnancy and when my mum called him in Penang to tell him that it was time, a woman answered the phone. I was too young to remember much except for what my Grandma (mum's mum) told me. Shortly, my mum left him and my evil grandmother made my mum pay her share for the furniture paid for the wedding. My mum cried for months. She left penniless and went back to live with my grandparents who warmly welcomed her home. To add to the bitterness, that evil old woman welcomed that bitch into her home with open arms. My mum and grandparents were never people to bear grudges and encouraged my brothers and I to spend school holidays with my father and his parents. Young as I was, I never understood anything beyond fun ! The years went by and one day I found myself in a terrible argument with my granddad (mum's dad) and I ran away to my father's (or rather his parents) home. As soon as I arrived, that evil old woman dumped a really huge load of my father's clothes on me and told me to wash it. Though there was a washing machine in the house, it was only for show. And so I had to wash XXL towels and jeans by hand everyday. There were times that I finished so late that I never had a chance to have dinner and went to bed on an empty stomach. That's in addition to the fact that it took so long to wash his clothes that my school uniform never had enough time to dry. That's right...I had to wear wet or damp uniform to school the next day. There were even days when I had to walk to school (and it was about a 2 hour walk) because nobody bothered if I had money for school or bus fare. I couldn't take it anymore and moved back to live with my mum, grandma and granddad. He gave my brother and I a total of RM30 a month which couldn't even cover bus fare and even for that miserable amount, I almost had to beg him for the money each month. I was about 14 that time and one day, that evil woman took me aside and told me, "Don't take money from your Daddy anymore. He has not got a new family to take care of." What about me ? What about my brothers ? Who's going to feed us or provide us with an education ? Is this a grandmother that anyone would want to forgive. Call my father a successful businessman or whatever you please but we know the truth. He is a bastard, asshole and slime that even the good earth would reject ! My mum left with nothing; he never paid any alimony or child support (well I wouldn't call RM10 or RM30 child support !). My mum had to start her life from scratch while he brought that bitch a brand new 2-seater red sports car. While his sons went to private schools, educated overseas and had the best food, my dear grandparents were struggling to raise up without any income except for the monthly allowances from my 2 aunts and my mum. So yes, I DO hate her and NO I will never meet her. I am not unfortunate but rather extremely fortunately to have been blessed with such a wonderful and loving maternal family.

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pet memorial

As I was searching the www for some information, I came across a pet memorial by a Malaysian blogger and wanted to share with my readers. This would be something I want on my headstone....

A loved one is not gone
until they are forgotten,
And to live in the hearts of those
left behind is to live forever.

If tears would build a stairway
and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again.

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touched

Lately I find myself thinking too much. I start to think about why I'm acting or behaving in a certain way and it dawns on me how much my late grandma and grandpa have both influenced my life. I practically grew up without a father so that's one person who has not made any impact on me whatsoever. I am 42 years old and my grandparents and aunts looked after me since I was a month old. I don't come from a large family; just grandma, grandpa and my mum's 2 younger sisters. Only my closest friends knew about my family and it was something that I never felt I needed to talk about. My childhood days were great. My grandparents taught me from a young age, to be independent. I was never one of those kids who were battered, bullied or mistreated. I was a happy child who indulged in everything; good and bad. Life has taught me a lot and even though my family could never afford me a degree, I am successful in my own right. I am rich because so many great people have touched my life, taught me valuable lessons and I was always loved. I've had great friends who've been at my side, supported me and cried with me when I was at my worst. Because of all these people, today I am courageous. I do feel scared and cautious at times but this keeps my confidence in check. Last evening, I was visiting a friend and I found myself uncomfortable in a home with megawatts of lights shining on me. I realized then that for over 30 years of my life, I lived with a grandma who had to save every cent she could to feed us. Even during a hot afternoon, she would hardly ever turn on the ceiling fan in the living room. And when it got dark, she would only have 1 light on. My mum was seldom around when I was growing up. But these I know...she loved all her children and worked very hard to feed and dress us well. She was just a nurse in a government hospital and at times (I was told) that she ate instant noodles for a month so that she could afford to take us shopping. When I was old enough, I used to travel by bus downtown to where my mum would already be waiting for us at the bus station. With her small salary and help from my grandparent and aunts, my mother raised 3 of us on her own and that's an amazing feat. In case you're wondering, my dad left for another woman when my youngest brother was born. While I remain single today, I am happy because of the people who taught me to become who I am and because I have wonderful and caring friends who are like brothers and sisters to me. Isn't life just great !

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dogs and people

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Grisly British PSA Stirs Controversy - The Daily Beast

The risks are of texting while driving are well-known but mostly ignored the fact that may change if more people watch this British public service announcement. Warning: It's graphically violent, but shouldn't it be?

To watch the PSA click here

Posted using ShareThis

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