how do we....
>> Friday, October 22, 2010
How do we bid farewell to a loved one ? Is it even remotely possible ?
My colleague's dad is dying from stage 4 liver cancer. The found out about 2 weeks ago that the lymphatic cancer that he was diagnosed with had spread to his liver. To top that, he also has a water-filled cavity below his heart that is causing him breathing problems. It's hard to see someone you love suffer this much.
I can see that my colleague is pretty much upset and who can expect less of her. I worry that in their already emotional state, my colleague and her siblings may not be able to cope with their father's impending passing. I have shared my experience with her and related to her how my family and I coped when my grandma suddenly left us. I told her that at least she knows that she still has a few more months with her dad whilst it wasn't the same for us with my grandma. We never had the chance to say goodbye or tell her how much we loved her.
So how do we bid a person we love farewell ? Do we reminisce about better times ? Do we tell them how much we love them ? But...will it ever make us feel better ? Do we pray for God to relief the suffering and pain ? Do we tell ourselves that it's for a greater good ? How do we deal with life after that ?
After my grandma died, it took my mum months before she could bring herself to go through her things. There were clothes to give away, sentimental items to distribute amongst family members. I saw what my mum went through and there was never a dry-eyed moment when mum was in grandma's room. A year may have passed but it never felt like that. It was as though grandma was still with us. Were we in denial ? We all missed her so much. Though 11 years have passed, the years have been short, the heart has yet to heal and the wound remains raw.
Often, I find myself talking to grandma as though she were right next to me. The day Bubbles died was one of those days. I kept telling grandma that even though they have not met, she would still recognize him because Rocky would be there too. The last time I saw Bubbles, I told him that it was OK for him to leave us because grandma, grandpa and Rocky would be waiting for him. All he had to do was look for them and he would be well loved and cared for. My aunt said that she felt his presence for a week after he died and I guess he was worried that she should be lonely without him. They were an inseparable pair. I tell myself that Bubbles is in a beautiful and happy place now but I still miss him so much.
So is there ever a way to bid farewell knowing that it may be our last ?
