touched

Lately I find myself thinking too much. I start to think about why I'm acting or behaving in a certain way and it dawns on me how much my late grandma and grandpa have both influenced my life. I practically grew up without a father so that's one person who has not made any impact on me whatsoever. I am 42 years old and my grandparents and aunts looked after me since I was a month old. I don't come from a large family; just grandma, grandpa and my mum's 2 younger sisters. Only my closest friends knew about my family and it was something that I never felt I needed to talk about. My childhood days were great. My grandparents taught me from a young age, to be independent. I was never one of those kids who were battered, bullied or mistreated. I was a happy child who indulged in everything; good and bad. Life has taught me a lot and even though my family could never afford me a degree, I am successful in my own right. I am rich because so many great people have touched my life, taught me valuable lessons and I was always loved. I've had great friends who've been at my side, supported me and cried with me when I was at my worst. Because of all these people, today I am courageous. I do feel scared and cautious at times but this keeps my confidence in check. Last evening, I was visiting a friend and I found myself uncomfortable in a home with megawatts of lights shining on me. I realized then that for over 30 years of my life, I lived with a grandma who had to save every cent she could to feed us. Even during a hot afternoon, she would hardly ever turn on the ceiling fan in the living room. And when it got dark, she would only have 1 light on. My mum was seldom around when I was growing up. But these I know...she loved all her children and worked very hard to feed and dress us well. She was just a nurse in a government hospital and at times (I was told) that she ate instant noodles for a month so that she could afford to take us shopping. When I was old enough, I used to travel by bus downtown to where my mum would already be waiting for us at the bus station. With her small salary and help from my grandparent and aunts, my mother raised 3 of us on her own and that's an amazing feat. In case you're wondering, my dad left for another woman when my youngest brother was born. While I remain single today, I am happy because of the people who taught me to become who I am and because I have wonderful and caring friends who are like brothers and sisters to me. Isn't life just great !