David + Brian

The happy couple, David and Brian. It's been such a terribly long time since I've seen my brother Brian. He was last home around 2002 and it's been 8 years. This trip has been a someone gastronomical experience for the both of them. My mom is happiest and which of us aren't. It's just been too long and we miss him. I plan to tell him to make his trips back home closer. Our mom is not getting any younger afterall.

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how do we....

How do we bid farewell to a loved one ? Is it even remotely possible ?

My colleague's dad is dying from stage 4 liver cancer. The found out about 2 weeks ago that the lymphatic cancer that he was diagnosed with had spread to his liver. To top that, he also has a water-filled cavity below his heart that is causing him breathing problems. It's hard to see someone you love suffer this much.

I can see that my colleague is pretty much upset and who can expect less of her. I worry that in their already emotional state, my colleague and her siblings may not be able to cope with their father's impending passing. I have shared my experience with her and related to her how my family and I coped when my grandma suddenly left us. I told her that at least she knows that she still has a few more months with her dad whilst it wasn't the same for us with my grandma. We never had the chance to say goodbye or tell her how much we loved her.

So how do we bid a person we love farewell ? Do we reminisce about better times ? Do we tell them how much we love them ? But...will it ever make us feel better ? Do we pray for God to relief the suffering and pain ? Do we tell ourselves that it's for a greater good ? How do we deal with life after that ?

After my grandma died, it took my mum months before she could bring herself to go through her things. There were clothes to give away, sentimental items to distribute amongst family members. I saw what my mum went through and there was never a dry-eyed moment when mum was in grandma's room. A year may have passed but it never felt like that. It was as though grandma was still with us. Were we in denial ? We all missed her so much. Though 11 years have passed, the years have been short, the heart has yet to heal and the wound remains raw.

Often, I find myself talking to grandma as though she were right next to me. The day Bubbles died was one of those days. I kept telling grandma that even though they have not met, she would still recognize him because Rocky would be there too. The last time I saw Bubbles, I told him that it was OK for him to leave us because grandma, grandpa and Rocky would be waiting for him. All he had to do was look for them and he would be well loved and cared for. My aunt said that she felt his presence for a week after he died and I guess he was worried that she should be lonely without him. They were an inseparable pair. I tell myself that Bubbles is in a beautiful and happy place now but I still miss him so much.

So is there ever a way to bid farewell knowing that it may be our last ?

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goodbye bubbles

Bubbles left us for Rainbow Bridge on 10 September 2010. He has been ill for some time now. His last major visit to the vest was about 3 months back when he was overly exhausted and after an extensive consultation with the vet, it was suspected that Bubbles had a heart ailment. His lungs had water and he was medicated with Lasix. He got better until the end of August when my aunt discovered that he had a lump near his penis. After a few days the lump got a lot bigger and we took him to the vet again. The vet suspected cancer but when he attempted a blood test, the results were false because the blood was mixed with pus. Again, Bubbles was put on antibiotics and was supposed to visit the vet again in 3 weeks. On the morning of 10 September, I received a call from my aunt who told me that it seems as though Bubbles was too tired to fight any longer. He refused to eat or swallow and was so weak that he could not even stand up. Being a public holiday, it was just crazy trying to contact the vet. Finally we had an appointment for 1pm. As my aunt was carrying him outside the vet, Bubbles bid us goodbye at about 12.50pm.

Bubbles, we will miss you so much, you beautiful boy with an even more beautiful soul. May you run like the wind, free from pain and suffering from now. You have taught us the real meaning of inner beauty and we will love you always.

Rest in Peace
25 November 2001 - 10 September 2010

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wait a minute ...

What happens when you want to do something that's right but you are stopped in your tracks by a man who thinks that he knows better ? I am relating an incident that recently happened to a close friend. She's in her 40's and in a downright horrible predicament. Her husband's (I shall call him "H")business went downhill a few years back and since then he's never been able to look for a job due to the specific industry that he was in. My friend whom I shall refer to as "J" has been the sole breadwinner. She is involved in a home business. While the business is doing well, it doesn't generate enough income to sustain the family's monthly expenses. She has 2 sons in their 20's who was somewhat forced to stop schooling when the money ran out. They great kids. A few weeks back, my mum's friend who owns a cafe asked if my mum knew of anyone keen on taking up a stall at her cafe and the first person mum though of was J. The start-up capital was small and manageable and J was an excellent cook. After some serious thought, J committed to the small business and decided that her stall would sell something that she was excellent at cooking - nasi lemak (coconut rice with side dishes and condiments). The deposit was paid and the necessities were purchased. A night before J was due to open her stall, H started sulking and refused to speak to J. All this while, J knew that H would find it hard to accept that his wife, a lady of leisure, would have to resort to working a stall to support the family. At 5am, J called to tell me what had happened and poured her heart out to me. I felt for her but what could I do. J was very worried that if she "forced" her way through and went ahead with the stall's opening that morning, H would retaliate and do something stupid. So she finally gave in and called mum's friend with a lame excuse of why she could not open that morning.

What would you have done ? Consider this....
1) The family is in a financial crisis and only J is able to contribute to the household income for now;
2) H is acting in a "I am man" manner and claims that he knows what he's doing by stopping J;
3) H claims to be concerned for J's health but is he ?
4) H claims that he is ok as long as J continues to work from home but not at a cafe;
5) H says that if J works at a cafe and she collapses, nobody will help her;

Do you think that H knows that the worst is yet to come ?

Do you think he knows that he's ruining the entire family's future by being too stubborn and carrying too much pride ?

I've told H that in order to look towards the future he needs to leave the past where it belongs....but would I be better off talking to the wall ?

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happy birthday ah ma - WE MISS YOU !

This is my maternal Grandma whom most of us fondly address as "Ah Ma"; even friends. September 4th would have been her 91st birthday and all of us have never stopped missing her. She was 80 years old when she left us in 2000. It was a hard and difficult time for the whole family because we all relied on her just too much. There is so much that many could and can still say about her and it would all be praise; praise of her faith, determination and strength. How the years have passed and with just the bat of an eye, it's been 10 years. There were too many questions in the beginning but now there is comfort that Ah Ma is HOME and taking the rest that she very much deserves.

Eternal rent grant onto her O'Lord and let perpetual Your light shine upon her. May Ah Ma's soul rest in eternal peace.

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friendship vs ME

Being the very verbal person that I am, I am now in a predicament. I feel that I am made to choose between friendship and my opinion. It's a very tough decision to make since I believe that we are who we are. Don't you agree ? Knowledge and opinions are a part of education... For me, knowledge is learning from others who are willing to share with me and for me to pass that knowledge on to the other person who's interested. Opinions are equally important when we are willing to listen to what others have to say. It is an exchange of knowledge and no less of a learning process. I was a committee member of our Residents' Association but recently resigned due to work commitments. I remain true to myself and challenged the management whenever I felt or feel something amiss. Because of my opinions, I have somehow gotten myself into some friends' bad books and I am constantly getting the cold shoulder. Is that right ? Does friendship mean that I have to be a "yes" person and constantly agree to what others have to say ? While I value every friendship, I equally value the person that I am.

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happy birthday grandpa

This is my Pa Pa; my maternal grandfather. He passed away from lung cancer on 28 June, 1985. He was only 63 years old when he died and I still miss him every single day. It's been 25 years and it only shows how time flies. I went to the cemetery last weekend to place some flowers and light candles for Pa Pa. When I was at his grave, I remembered many things about him; many good but some bad. He always remembered me during his travels and always bought me lovely gifts and sent me postcards to tell me that me missed me. When I was a little girl, he traveled to Manila for work and came back with 2 lovely suites complete with little handbags. One was yellow and white, and the other beige. Both had lovely embroidery on them. These were not the only gifts he gave me. He thought me independence, confidence and self-worth. These alone we more important that anything else he'd ever given me. These moulded me to be the very person I am today. Rest in peace Pa Pa, Happy Birthday...I miss you everyday. Love you.

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new business off to a new start

Here's just one photo of the many cars that Spectrum Auto Detailing has successfully worked on. We achieved a mirror finish and the end result...one darn happy customer !

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my latest toy

I bought this Panasonic Lumix last Monday. It took me some time to decide as I am very careful about spending money on anything that I don;t really need. This...I don't actually need but I decided to treat myself. I'm still trying to learn how to use this babe and instructions tend to become more confusing as one reads on. I'm very much a "point and shoot" person and rely so much on the "auto" mode. I also decided that it's time to put my other baby, an Olympus Ferrari limited edition to rest. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me. I am still super blurrrrr.....

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Anwar vs. Saiful

So what's your take on this issue ? Personally, it seems as though the whole issue was a set-up. Was it ? First, Saiful tells the court that he was scared but he "dutifully" complied to Anwar's request to "clean up". Any sane and scared person (would a scared person be sane ?) who have rushed out the door as soon as be was asked if "you want to fuck ?" right ? But this fella...he went into the bathroom, actually cleaned up and emerged in a towel where he claims that Anwar has already undressed. Second chance and thsi idiot let it slip by (again) ! It was only 2 days later after he claims that he was sodomised that he actually went to see a doctor with pains in his stomach and anus. By then, wouldn't any evidence become "contaminated" ? Then I came across a forum this morning that said that he (Saiful) actually hadn't had a dump in 2 days ! UNBELIEVABLE !!! ...and the story goes on. Personally, I think he deserves what he got, don't you ? It's a good thing he didn't cry rape ! I find this case rather comical and a waste of taxpayers money and good ole newspaper space. Well...it's nothing more than entertainment, no ?

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Missing !

Yes, I've been missing for a very long time because of work commitments. nothing's been happening except for year-end deadlines concerning work. I'm a bit more relaxed now so here's my first blog for 2010.

Before I go on, I'd like to wish everyone a wonderful year.

And what's my new year resolutions ??? Simple.....cancel most of my credit cards because I don't want pay RM50 for each card ! And most importantly, I want to save some money this year so this means a lot of "unnecessary" expenses will have to go.

And the latest incidents concerning the word Allah has irked me. While one party is adamant about using the word, the other party has decided to take matters into their own hands. Meanwhile, the country risks being divided (yet again). And just yesterday, the government declared RM15 million aid for Muslim divorcees ! This just isn't the 1-MALAYSIA that I expected. How does the government justify that only women divorcees need aid ? What about divorcees of other races ? I am a single Chinese and my parents separated when I was young because my "father" decided that the grass was much greener on the other side. I watched my mother and grandparents (retired and without income) struggle to raise us (my 2 brothers and I). My mum did not choose to leave my "father" by choice but because he did not care about us enough to stay. Any government aid at that time would have helped but there was no such thing at that time. The fact that this aid is only offered to Muslim divorcees really makes me mad, mad, mad ! Why ? In case you are curious, I was 7, my elder brother was 3 and the younger brother was a newborn. Do I have a right to be mad ?

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kids @ SHOPWIKI

As a Malaysian I often find it hard to find some stuff locally and those that are available locally are not up to my expectation. Today, I have been assigned a task to write on SHOPWIKI clothing line for girls , a US online store that offers fantastic shopping for parents of all income groups and their little girls. As a little girl a long, long time ago (it sure has been a terribly long time ago, now that I'm 42 years old) I remember how my mum would always buy me lovely frilly dresses from Robinson's. Back then it was either Robinson's or St. Michael's (what is now called Marks & Spenser). Of course we did not have internet those days and shopping was confined to what was locally available and to travel buys ! Oh how we used to drool when family and friends returned from overseas trips and came home with their heavily laden bags !

These days the world is at our finger tips. An internet connection, a computer and a credit card. And off we go....

SHOPWIKI is an online store that sells everything you can imagine and ever want and today, I write about dress and casual clothing for girls. For more details and to visit SHOPWIKI, click here.

As our Malaysian weather dictates, mums would only want light clothing for their pretty girls and popular a popular choice would be light color cottons fabrics, either plain or printed. What I love best about internet shopping is the possibility of sending gifts to family and friends who are far away. I do not forget the fact that what I buy may be something others will not find in Malaysia ! Yea....that's something to be proud of.

Remember how (as kids), we wanted to be pretty, have special and fun stuff that we could show of and boast about ? I found many lovely things at SHOPWIKI; stuff I wish I had as a child. You have to see for yourself to belive it and to experience how terribly easy it is to shop online.

Ha ha ha...I remember a time when I was about 5 or 6 years old. It was Chinese New Year in Malaysia; the 1st day actually and we were getting ready to visit our elders. My mum had laid out this green dress for m with a butterfly motif in front and I refused to wear it. Why ? I hated the colour green ! Instead, I brought out this lilac coloured wool cardigan I received as a Christmas gift and insisted that I wear it. My mum being my mum, let me have my way. What I didn't realize then was my mum wanted me to learn a lesson that I would never forget in this lifetime ! So there I was, dressed in a white pleated skirt, lilac wool cardigan, lovely white socks with lace and white shiny shoes. I will spare you the rest of the details and leave it to your imagination but all I will say is that for the next 2 days, I had to stay home when everyone else went out visiting because I had such a horrible rash; from the heat and from scratching too much ! I've never owned a woolen cardigan since ! So this is how vain kids want to be and I have to say...I used to be one vain kid ! If only there was SHOPWIKI way way way back then...wouldn't I have been so lucky.....

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new business

We've finally started our new business. It's something that we've been planning for some time now but didn't really have the guts to get into. Yeah....we're into AUTO DETAILING. We don't just polish, wax and vacuum. We get into the little details of ensuring that the car is near perfection (of course depending also on your car condition mah - we are not God right ?). We remove swirls and stains and go through an entire 5 step paint reconditioning process on the car. Not only that, we also do the interior. Bear in mind, some stuff can be done and some not. Fabrics and leather must never be overworked so certain stains may never be removed.

We are offering a special PAWPRINTS discount to my blog visitors. If you never try, you'll never know. I am super happy with my car now. The colour is much deeper and it looks like it has a "wet look". If you are keen, please send me an email at spectrumadts@gmail.com or visit us at :

Spectrum Auto Detailing
No. 32, Jalan TS 6/10
Subang Light Industrial Park
47510 Subang Jaya

SEE YA !

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how smelly are durians ???

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service tax on malaysian credit cards

The budget announcement came and went last Friday. Overall, there was nothing spectacular for the individual while the industrialist may already be dancing on the table ! What bothers me most is the imposition of RM50 service tax on each credit card aimed at curbing spending. Here's my story...... I have about 15 credit cards and they're all free from annual fees. My friends tell me I am crazy but I have my reasons. I pay in full each month and I use my cards to organize my spending. This allows me to easily monitor my monthly expenses and to spot any fraud charges just as easily. For example, I use one card specifically for petrol and a few others for specific stores. I feel "safe" using credit cards since I only need to carry a minimum amount of cash. In addition, I've learnt to appreciate the perks and freebies. Instead of cash, I use my credit cards and earn points that I always use to redeem supermarket vouchers. Annually, this will add up to a little over RM1,000 in vouchers. This is something that I really appreciate especially during months when I have unforeseen expenses. Some of these, I will pass on to my mum. EON Bank has a fantastic feature where I am able to convert any purchase over RM500 into an installment for a small fee that I gladly pay. It helped me plenty recently when my TV got busted and I needed to replace it. After a car accident and the repair expenses early this month, it was a gift from God to have the credit card handy. Both my mum and aunt have two credit cards each for medical emergencies; otherwise they are cash bunnies. Our government has failed to realize that credit cards have helped many of us. What they should have done was to have banks impose stricter application requirements or to increase the salary qualification for credit card application. Banks could also approve a spending limit suitable with the cardholder's salary. This tax imposition will however affect many of us who do not abuse the lenient application procedures. Unless the banks absorb the RM50 service tax, I am likely to cancel most of my credit cards. It's a sad move but an inevitable one as I do not see myself throwing good money out the window ! Do you ?

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not me !

I never heard about the recent earthquake in Padang until my boss asked me if I felt the quake so I went for the morning papers are there it was; the headlines for the day. There was so much suffering and misery and I cannot truly say I understand what they're feeling or going through. We never can until we're there to see it firsthand. That same night I saw an ad on TV asking Malaysians to contribute to the victims of the Padang quake and I thought to myself why should I. Many of you will think that I'm a heartless bitch and everything else that's evil on earth but so be it. First, the Indonesians burn our Malaysian flag and then the call us evil. Then the erect roadblocks to detain Malaysians in Jakarta. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all Indonesians are evil and spiteful, just a fraction but just enough for me to say NO and believe that charity (from me at least) should begin at home. We have just as many devastated families and individuals that need help so I'll start just where I am. The Indonesians have always been proud so I'll just leave them alone with their pride. I have known many wonderful Indonesians past and present who remain my friends. One of them is a friend's maid who used to come over to my place whenever I was home to chat. Through her, I've learnt to be thankful for all I have and to be appreciative of the sacrifices that maids working abroad had to make. I love this Indonesian lady as if she were my own sister and I feel her sadness when calamity strikes her family. I know how hard it was for her to leave her family behind in search of a better future for them. To my Indonesian readers of my blog, I believe that there is good in everyone and that many of you have a heart of gold. But please do not make us Malaysians to be heartless because we are not. Many of us treat Indonesian maids as members of our family. My boss' Indonesian maid travels with them on all family vacations and she flies Business Class with them. Are we still cruel, evil and heartless ?

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death of a school mate

Last night, I learnt that a school mate had passed away at a rather young age. I did not know her well; only in passing but when I saw her photo, I instantly recognized her. In one of the reply emails by another school mate, I saw this lovely poem that I'd like to share......

I'm Still Here

Friend, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see
I'm right by your side each night and day
And within your heart I long to stay

My body is gone but I am always near
I'm everything you feel, see or hear
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
As long as you keep me alive in your heart

I'll never wander out of your sight
I'm the brightest star on a summer night
I'll never be beyond your reach
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach

I'm the colourful leaves when Autumn's around
And the pure white snow that blankets the ground
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond
The clear cool water in a quiet pond

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the Spring
The first warm raindrop that April will bring
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine
And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine

When you start thinking there's no one to love you
You can talk to me through the Lord above you
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees
And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze

I'm the hot salty tears when you weep
And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face
Just look for me, friend, I'm every place

Don't you think that this is just lovely and soothing for the soul ?

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forgive and forget ? NO

A grandmother is supposed to be a gem; but surely not mine. For 9 difficult years, I lost myself and never once contacted my paternal family. I have no regrets as I they do not deserve any compassion for what they have done and said to me. Forgiveness is not something I want to give her or her son and I am well and I have moved on. Life is beautiful and wonderful. And why do I bring this up now ? Well...as I was driving to a shopping mall last weekend, my phone rang. The number on the screen was unfamiliar but I have a habit of answering all calls. I accepted the call and was shocked to hear the voice at the end end. It was the long lost and gladly forgotten grandmother. After 9 long years she calls and tells me she misses me ? What the heck...what about years 1 to 8 ? Didn't she miss me then ! I cut the conversation short and told her I was driving. And then she wanted to know about my mum and why she couldn't locate my mum. Aiya....I was beginning to feel irritated and it could be heard in my voice. My mum warned me later never to ever tell on her. My mum....... Many of you will be thinking what a heartless person I am for treating a 90 year old woman like that. Maybe I am and maybe I'm not. My father was busy womanizing as my mum was in her last month of pregnancy and when my mum called him in Penang to tell him that it was time, a woman answered the phone. I was too young to remember much except for what my Grandma (mum's mum) told me. Shortly, my mum left him and my evil grandmother made my mum pay her share for the furniture paid for the wedding. My mum cried for months. She left penniless and went back to live with my grandparents who warmly welcomed her home. To add to the bitterness, that evil old woman welcomed that bitch into her home with open arms. My mum and grandparents were never people to bear grudges and encouraged my brothers and I to spend school holidays with my father and his parents. Young as I was, I never understood anything beyond fun ! The years went by and one day I found myself in a terrible argument with my granddad (mum's dad) and I ran away to my father's (or rather his parents) home. As soon as I arrived, that evil old woman dumped a really huge load of my father's clothes on me and told me to wash it. Though there was a washing machine in the house, it was only for show. And so I had to wash XXL towels and jeans by hand everyday. There were times that I finished so late that I never had a chance to have dinner and went to bed on an empty stomach. That's in addition to the fact that it took so long to wash his clothes that my school uniform never had enough time to dry. That's right...I had to wear wet or damp uniform to school the next day. There were even days when I had to walk to school (and it was about a 2 hour walk) because nobody bothered if I had money for school or bus fare. I couldn't take it anymore and moved back to live with my mum, grandma and granddad. He gave my brother and I a total of RM30 a month which couldn't even cover bus fare and even for that miserable amount, I almost had to beg him for the money each month. I was about 14 that time and one day, that evil woman took me aside and told me, "Don't take money from your Daddy anymore. He has not got a new family to take care of." What about me ? What about my brothers ? Who's going to feed us or provide us with an education ? Is this a grandmother that anyone would want to forgive. Call my father a successful businessman or whatever you please but we know the truth. He is a bastard, asshole and slime that even the good earth would reject ! My mum left with nothing; he never paid any alimony or child support (well I wouldn't call RM10 or RM30 child support !). My mum had to start her life from scratch while he brought that bitch a brand new 2-seater red sports car. While his sons went to private schools, educated overseas and had the best food, my dear grandparents were struggling to raise up without any income except for the monthly allowances from my 2 aunts and my mum. So yes, I DO hate her and NO I will never meet her. I am not unfortunate but rather extremely fortunately to have been blessed with such a wonderful and loving maternal family.

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pet memorial

As I was searching the www for some information, I came across a pet memorial by a Malaysian blogger and wanted to share with my readers. This would be something I want on my headstone....

A loved one is not gone
until they are forgotten,
And to live in the hearts of those
left behind is to live forever.

If tears would build a stairway
and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again.

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touched

Lately I find myself thinking too much. I start to think about why I'm acting or behaving in a certain way and it dawns on me how much my late grandma and grandpa have both influenced my life. I practically grew up without a father so that's one person who has not made any impact on me whatsoever. I am 42 years old and my grandparents and aunts looked after me since I was a month old. I don't come from a large family; just grandma, grandpa and my mum's 2 younger sisters. Only my closest friends knew about my family and it was something that I never felt I needed to talk about. My childhood days were great. My grandparents taught me from a young age, to be independent. I was never one of those kids who were battered, bullied or mistreated. I was a happy child who indulged in everything; good and bad. Life has taught me a lot and even though my family could never afford me a degree, I am successful in my own right. I am rich because so many great people have touched my life, taught me valuable lessons and I was always loved. I've had great friends who've been at my side, supported me and cried with me when I was at my worst. Because of all these people, today I am courageous. I do feel scared and cautious at times but this keeps my confidence in check. Last evening, I was visiting a friend and I found myself uncomfortable in a home with megawatts of lights shining on me. I realized then that for over 30 years of my life, I lived with a grandma who had to save every cent she could to feed us. Even during a hot afternoon, she would hardly ever turn on the ceiling fan in the living room. And when it got dark, she would only have 1 light on. My mum was seldom around when I was growing up. But these I know...she loved all her children and worked very hard to feed and dress us well. She was just a nurse in a government hospital and at times (I was told) that she ate instant noodles for a month so that she could afford to take us shopping. When I was old enough, I used to travel by bus downtown to where my mum would already be waiting for us at the bus station. With her small salary and help from my grandparent and aunts, my mother raised 3 of us on her own and that's an amazing feat. In case you're wondering, my dad left for another woman when my youngest brother was born. While I remain single today, I am happy because of the people who taught me to become who I am and because I have wonderful and caring friends who are like brothers and sisters to me. Isn't life just great !

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