David + Brian

The happy couple, David and Brian. It's been such a terribly long time since I've seen my brother Brian. He was last home around 2002 and it's been 8 years. This trip has been a someone gastronomical experience for the both of them. My mom is happiest and which of us aren't. It's just been too long and we miss him. I plan to tell him to make his trips back home closer. Our mom is not getting any younger afterall.

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how do we....

How do we bid farewell to a loved one ? Is it even remotely possible ?

My colleague's dad is dying from stage 4 liver cancer. The found out about 2 weeks ago that the lymphatic cancer that he was diagnosed with had spread to his liver. To top that, he also has a water-filled cavity below his heart that is causing him breathing problems. It's hard to see someone you love suffer this much.

I can see that my colleague is pretty much upset and who can expect less of her. I worry that in their already emotional state, my colleague and her siblings may not be able to cope with their father's impending passing. I have shared my experience with her and related to her how my family and I coped when my grandma suddenly left us. I told her that at least she knows that she still has a few more months with her dad whilst it wasn't the same for us with my grandma. We never had the chance to say goodbye or tell her how much we loved her.

So how do we bid a person we love farewell ? Do we reminisce about better times ? Do we tell them how much we love them ? But...will it ever make us feel better ? Do we pray for God to relief the suffering and pain ? Do we tell ourselves that it's for a greater good ? How do we deal with life after that ?

After my grandma died, it took my mum months before she could bring herself to go through her things. There were clothes to give away, sentimental items to distribute amongst family members. I saw what my mum went through and there was never a dry-eyed moment when mum was in grandma's room. A year may have passed but it never felt like that. It was as though grandma was still with us. Were we in denial ? We all missed her so much. Though 11 years have passed, the years have been short, the heart has yet to heal and the wound remains raw.

Often, I find myself talking to grandma as though she were right next to me. The day Bubbles died was one of those days. I kept telling grandma that even though they have not met, she would still recognize him because Rocky would be there too. The last time I saw Bubbles, I told him that it was OK for him to leave us because grandma, grandpa and Rocky would be waiting for him. All he had to do was look for them and he would be well loved and cared for. My aunt said that she felt his presence for a week after he died and I guess he was worried that she should be lonely without him. They were an inseparable pair. I tell myself that Bubbles is in a beautiful and happy place now but I still miss him so much.

So is there ever a way to bid farewell knowing that it may be our last ?

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goodbye bubbles

Bubbles left us for Rainbow Bridge on 10 September 2010. He has been ill for some time now. His last major visit to the vest was about 3 months back when he was overly exhausted and after an extensive consultation with the vet, it was suspected that Bubbles had a heart ailment. His lungs had water and he was medicated with Lasix. He got better until the end of August when my aunt discovered that he had a lump near his penis. After a few days the lump got a lot bigger and we took him to the vet again. The vet suspected cancer but when he attempted a blood test, the results were false because the blood was mixed with pus. Again, Bubbles was put on antibiotics and was supposed to visit the vet again in 3 weeks. On the morning of 10 September, I received a call from my aunt who told me that it seems as though Bubbles was too tired to fight any longer. He refused to eat or swallow and was so weak that he could not even stand up. Being a public holiday, it was just crazy trying to contact the vet. Finally we had an appointment for 1pm. As my aunt was carrying him outside the vet, Bubbles bid us goodbye at about 12.50pm.

Bubbles, we will miss you so much, you beautiful boy with an even more beautiful soul. May you run like the wind, free from pain and suffering from now. You have taught us the real meaning of inner beauty and we will love you always.

Rest in Peace
25 November 2001 - 10 September 2010

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wait a minute ...

What happens when you want to do something that's right but you are stopped in your tracks by a man who thinks that he knows better ? I am relating an incident that recently happened to a close friend. She's in her 40's and in a downright horrible predicament. Her husband's (I shall call him "H")business went downhill a few years back and since then he's never been able to look for a job due to the specific industry that he was in. My friend whom I shall refer to as "J" has been the sole breadwinner. She is involved in a home business. While the business is doing well, it doesn't generate enough income to sustain the family's monthly expenses. She has 2 sons in their 20's who was somewhat forced to stop schooling when the money ran out. They great kids. A few weeks back, my mum's friend who owns a cafe asked if my mum knew of anyone keen on taking up a stall at her cafe and the first person mum though of was J. The start-up capital was small and manageable and J was an excellent cook. After some serious thought, J committed to the small business and decided that her stall would sell something that she was excellent at cooking - nasi lemak (coconut rice with side dishes and condiments). The deposit was paid and the necessities were purchased. A night before J was due to open her stall, H started sulking and refused to speak to J. All this while, J knew that H would find it hard to accept that his wife, a lady of leisure, would have to resort to working a stall to support the family. At 5am, J called to tell me what had happened and poured her heart out to me. I felt for her but what could I do. J was very worried that if she "forced" her way through and went ahead with the stall's opening that morning, H would retaliate and do something stupid. So she finally gave in and called mum's friend with a lame excuse of why she could not open that morning.

What would you have done ? Consider this....
1) The family is in a financial crisis and only J is able to contribute to the household income for now;
2) H is acting in a "I am man" manner and claims that he knows what he's doing by stopping J;
3) H claims to be concerned for J's health but is he ?
4) H claims that he is ok as long as J continues to work from home but not at a cafe;
5) H says that if J works at a cafe and she collapses, nobody will help her;

Do you think that H knows that the worst is yet to come ?

Do you think he knows that he's ruining the entire family's future by being too stubborn and carrying too much pride ?

I've told H that in order to look towards the future he needs to leave the past where it belongs....but would I be better off talking to the wall ?

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happy birthday ah ma - WE MISS YOU !

This is my maternal Grandma whom most of us fondly address as "Ah Ma"; even friends. September 4th would have been her 91st birthday and all of us have never stopped missing her. She was 80 years old when she left us in 2000. It was a hard and difficult time for the whole family because we all relied on her just too much. There is so much that many could and can still say about her and it would all be praise; praise of her faith, determination and strength. How the years have passed and with just the bat of an eye, it's been 10 years. There were too many questions in the beginning but now there is comfort that Ah Ma is HOME and taking the rest that she very much deserves.

Eternal rent grant onto her O'Lord and let perpetual Your light shine upon her. May Ah Ma's soul rest in eternal peace.

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